The Arbinger parenting pyramid

A helpful model that integrates correction into the larger relationship

A friend of mine shared this pyramid recently on social media. It’s a model that places correction and discipline in the larger context of parenting. It really spoke to me, so I wanted to pass it along.

Any parent knows that correcting a child is an integral, critical part of parenting, but it’s also one of the more difficult things we do. Some of us are prone to correcting far too much or too harshly. Some of us struggle to do it at all, or at least to do it effectively.

We know that correcting our children has major implications for their ability to be independent, successful, happy adults. We also don’t want to damage the relationship. That can be especially difficult during the teen years when our interactions can feel very fraught.

Finding the right balance is tricky, so having a model that helps situate this particular task into a larger model of the parent-child relationship is really helpful to me. It also proposes some clear action steps for those who may be struggling, and helps point to the places we might start.

This model was developed by an organization called the Arbinger Institute. It’s very simple, but the more I think about this, the more useful and profound I find it.

It is as follows: