Essay (&) Questions: "Adults undervalue teen friendships. Here’s how to support them."
An important piece for parents from The Washington Post
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I saw this article, “Adults undervalue teen friendships. Here’s how to support them,”1 by Emily Laber-Warren making the rounds recently and thought it had a lot of great information for parents of teens.
Decades of teaching and parenting has convinced me that we adults almost alway fail to appreciate or fully apprehend the impact and influence that peers have on teens, for good or ill. Even if we think we understand this fact, in my experience, we have generally forgotten the intensity and degree to which this drives actions and choices.
This was a very good primer for parents on appreciating and supporting your child’s friendships.
Here is an important reminder:
Adolescence can be a tumultuous time, and to make sure teens stay focused, the adults in their lives often push them toward things that seem to augur success: doing well in school, helping around the house, participating in sports or community service. But what adults tend to underappreciate, experts say, is the value of close teen friendships.
“The main thing I have learned from listening to teenagers since the late ’80s is that they are starving for deep, intimate connections with other people,” says Niobe Way, a professor of developmental psychology at NYU and an expert on teenage boys’ friendships. “And they keep on running up against a culture of adults that basically say: ‘That’s not important. What’s important is for you to study for that test and to get good grades and SAT scores.’ ”
What if my child’s friends are a bad influence? That is a real worry for people:
Parents may be wary of peers who could steer their children toward risky behaviors, and research does suggest that hanging out with underage drinkers, rule-breakers or petty criminals can lead to trouble. But positive peer influences can be equally powerful. Studies have shown that children who develop supportive, trusting friendships with others their age are more likely to become healthy, happy and professionally successful adults (emphasis mine).
Friends are always important for teens, but that may be more true than ever in our current moment.
This insight may be particularly timely, because so many teens are struggling. Psychiatric emergency room visits have been rising among adolescents, and top health authorities are warning that the United States is in the midst of a teen mental health crisis that the pandemic has only intensified. A recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that about 44 percent of high school students surveyed had experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the previous year, and almost 20 percent had seriously considered suicide. But the CDC researchers also discovered a potential antidote: Teens who felt close to people at school fared better on all mental health measures.
Having strong friendships brings a host of positive outcomes for kids: